Lately words have been a massive dilemma for me...I am stuck between wanting to write incredibly eloquent, long passages and only having the desire (and energy) to write concise, choppy paragraphs.
Whatever happens happens. Hopefully something mildly better than mediocre will come out of this...
I told myself I wouldn't, and here I am. In one line...one single line, I paved a vast stretch of my future. There has never been another time when I have so completely grasped the reality of one decision's consequences. Like standing at a fork in the road, and knowing full well what the outcomes of both paths will be...then choosing the one side just for the hell of it. And once it was said, once those first steps were taken, there was no way to undo any of it.
And now, here I am, laying on the floor, bewildered and completely unsurprised that I've ended up in this situation. God have mercy on me for being so stupid...so arrogant...so ridiculously aware and unable to control myself.
If everything falls apart, I can't say I'll be surprised. I weighed the pros and cons painstakingly and with much thought...then promptly threw them out the window and said "to hell with it. I'd rather see this all go up in flames than play out well."
Ha. After the acceptance of the fact I've screwed up again comes the ironic laughter. What can I do but laugh and throw my hands in the air as that train comes barreling down the tracks?