Saturday, November 7, 2009

On Being the "New Person"...

Being the new person sucks. Flat out. No one ever likes being the new person. And with good reason. Every time you have to start a new job, you end up at the very bottom of the totem pole with the least amount of skill and the largest amount of screw ups. What better than this for a person with no self-esteem or confidence?

I am honestly surprised I even have a job at this point...I started off the day by being late. Scott scheduled my first training shift for 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. Four hours, not a big deal. I set my alarm clock the night before for 6:45 a.m. so I would have plenty of time to get ready in the morning. I go to sleep for a bit and wake up to the sound of my roommate crashing into everything in the apartment after what I can only assume was a huge party. He's incredibly drunk. The time is 4:35 a.m. "I have to wake up in two hours. I could just get up now...but no, that would be over kill. I don't need four hours to get ready. I'll just go back to sleep for another two hours."
I open my eyes. Haven't heard the alarm clock. Sit up, look at the LCD, and do nothing for thirty long seconds. As I sit there, barely cognizant, my heart begins to race and I can feel the blood rising in my chest.

11:30 a.m.

I am in utter disbelief that the time is actually 11:30 a.m. Wasn't I supposed to be at work at 8:00 a.m.? I desperately throw myself out from under the covers, checking every other clock in the house, praying that they will have something different to say.
Maybe my clock died and reset the time! Maybe there was a power outage! Maybe its just WRONG!

Nope. It's 11:30. And I'm officially an ass.

I swear to you, I am the most irrational person I have ever met. What would be common sense to most, is anything but for me.

Call your manager and explain the situation. This is the best thing to do.

Don't call anyone. Sit in your apartment all day and just go in tomorrow. You can come up with some crazy story later to explain why you didn't show up on your first day of training. Yes...this will work.

Rita honestly contemplates Option 2 a great deal more than she considers Option 1. Thank God she went with Option 1. I call my manager, muster up the most apologetic voice I can; not because I am not sorry and don't sound sorry, but because my voice is so hopelessly monotone that most people cannot tell whether or not I am actually being sincere.
Much to my surprise, my manager tells me its okay. Its okay? Its OKAY?! Who says that to an employee they just hired? This has to be the crappiest first impression ever, and he's telling me that its NOT A PROBLEM?!
I don't believe him. Nothing he says during the day will convince me otherwise. Secretly, he thinks he's made a mistake in hiring me and really wishes he had gone with one of the other two candidates. No one could possibly have screwed this up as bad as me.

So I show up at 12:30 p.m., as ready as I will ever be to start my first training shift. The manager immediately puts me to work on the register, an archaic temperamental piece of equipment that has not been updated since 1992. Regardless, I manage to take FOREVER on just about every transaction thrown my way.
Biggest mistake of the day: Forgetting to get pastries for everyone who bought a pastry. Every single time. Someone else had to get them for me because I was so nervous I totally spaced it.

Suffice to say, after this long diatribe, I am scarred, mentally and emotionally damaged, depressed, and utterly self-loathing. Getting out of bed tomorrow may be a very difficult task.
Suddenly remembering that you are a complete and total waste of space with no skills or talents to offer the world is not pleasant. I should have seen it coming though...

1 comment:

  1. What an accurate description of being the new guy. Well put and very entertaining.