Finally

It took me all day to come up with something. Anything, really. A lot of time has lapsed since I last wrote...but it has not been for lack of material. There is plenty in my head, but the undeveloped vastly outweigh the developed.

But, as I stood in front of my door, keys in one hand, Sprite in the other, it occurred to me in one fleeting moment how horribly addicted I am to sugar. And as I put the key in the lock and set my Sprite on the window ledge, I thought about how I had eaten almost nothing but sugar for two days straight in some effort to try and satisfy my craving for sugar. And for another moment I thought it was funny. Just quickly though, before I realized how much that actually meant. I try to watch how much crap I shovel into my mouth if only because I don't want diabetes when I get older. But occasionally I slip up and say "screw it. I'll eat well tomorrow. Today, I need to get my sugar fix." But at the end of the day, I am no more fulfilled than I was the day before...despite the fact that I doubled or tripled the amount of nasty crap ingested.

This conclusion, in a moment of rare clarity, brought me to the following conclusion:

Its like that with all addiction. You up the dosage to try and get your fill, try to kill the craving by having just enough. The problem is...enough is never enough. No matter how much more you indulge, you will always want more.

And so I realized that that summarizes my relationship with sugar. I will always want more, regardless of how much I eat so it is pointless to seek a "stopping point", a point at which I will be satisfied and no longer crave sugar. Instead, I need to have self restraint and discipline, realizing that eating more won't help.

Well, that all sounded a lot more philosophical in my head than it does written out. Damn.