A Summary of Events...

I am tired. I thought that going to the Pan-Ams would be a good vacation...in some ways, it was very much so a vacation; no customer service, no mopping floors, no cleaning bathrooms. But in many other senses...it was not. This complex, multifaceted vastness that is life is so heavy. When I was little, nothing meant quite as much as it does now, but everything was so much more important. With each passing hour, I find that my longing grows...my longing to return to a simpler time when nothing was quite so complicated. But I am not the first or the last to say those words. Which I suppose is an even sadder thought...how many people have lived and died and never felt completely content in this world? A fair many I would guess...

One of these days I'm going to have it all figured out. Idealistic; yes. Possible; yes. As I have said many times  before, I refuse to let society get the best of me. I want the best of me so I can do what I like with it.

The extent of my loss of independence showed itself to me today. I realized that I am a lot less independent than I should be...and I need to do something about it. I am still looking for a second job and am about to step it up a notch. If I am to right the things in my life that have been causing me stress, then I need to have the financial capability to deal with it.

That, and some faith. I never want to forget that it is not the dependence on money that gets me through the day, but the knowledge that I belong to a God who provides for me. After all, were it not for Him, I would be dead.

Hopefully in the days to come I will force myself to sit down and write more, because it is the only time when I can sit and not do much of anything...where my brain can settle, unwind, and remember that life is best taken slowly and in deeply ponderous spoonfuls.